You can rely on Julie to give you the warmest of responses to your feelings. Two Uplifted readers share how their health concerns are affecting them when trying to navigate through their relationships.
Hi Julie,
Since my diagnosis of Endometriosis, I feel overwhelmed at the idea that if I want any children I only have a small window of time to do it. I am not in a stable enough relationship to have children but I also don’t want to risk it being too late
Xx
Julie’s response:
Hi,
Firstly thank you for being the very first person to write in to me here at Uplifted. You won’t be alone feeling like this and I know it’s a question that will be on many minds so thank you for bringing this up.
Now, this is a tricky one. Bringing a baby into the world is such a special thing and one of the single biggest decisions we ever make in our lifetime. It’s a natural choice that many don’t even give a second thought to and yet due to physical illness/ challenge your natural choice is taken away.
The first positive here is that you finally have a diagnosis. It sounds like quite early days and so you will be experiencing a range of emotions including the very real possibility that your choice is being taken away. These are both losses and grief which is like waves of the sea.
My advice here is probably not to rush into anything.
Allow yourself a bit of time to come to terms with your diagnosis. Explore the possibilities and talk to people who have been in this situation and professionals who can help you make some informed decisions. Knowledge is power and you can then begin to think a bit more logically. I would recommend the following websites for more information Fertility Network and Endometriosis UK.
You know you want a baby which is a first step forward. It also sounds like being in a loving nurturing relationship will be an important part of this and that can happen but can’t be forced. Focus on what you need in a relationship, and you are more likely to recognise them when they appear. There will of course be other options.
Finally, I want to know I genuinely hope you find your way through all this and send you love and strength as you navigate this bit of your path.
Warmest wishes
Julie x
Our lovely Julie
‘Dear Julie,
I was so excited that my boyfriend was moving in with me and my children. We have been together for 2 years and because he works shifts we only see each other when his or my children are at their other homes.
As he moved in I was about to start my period which usually means that I am wiped out for at least a week they are heavy and my back and tummy aches constantly and my moods are all over the place. At times I actually feel psychotic affecting my moods for almost 2 weeks.
I usually go quiet and it doesn’t normally affect us but as he is now living here and has been on annual leave he has now seen me like this and I feel he now won’t want to be with him as he has seen this side of my life.
I am feeling so low… can you help me?
Feeling sad from Hertfordshire’
Julie’s response:
First of all, I am so sorry you are feeling sad and low. It sounds like you have been on your own with the children for quite a while and so although you were anticipating this was going to be such a happy time, I am guessing that you have maybe put a lot of pressure on both of you for things to be perfect.
The poor guy has arrived with all his stuff, making the cosy nest you normally retreat to at this time of the month not the sanctuary you are used to. You normally of course deal with all this alone.
My best advice is that now your period is over maybe allow yourself a little bit of recovery time and then at a moment when you feel a bit stronger talk to your partner to help him to understand how you are feeling. You might be surprised by the outcome. Men often don’t have an understanding of what we experience as women and by explaining how bad you feel and most importantly what you need, he will begin to understand, anticipate and actually give you what YOU need during the times when you aren’t feeling very comfortable or happy. Ongoing open communication going forward will improve things no end as bottling things up usually end in an explosion which can be very messy! Communication is king.
Finally I hear that your ‘time of the month’ is quite severe and it might be you are suffering from what is called pre-menstrual syndrome – It might be worth contacting your GP to discuss if there is anything you could be doing to alleviate your distressing symptoms. More natural remedies are also worth considering. Ensure that you are ‘watering YOU’ with adequate exercise that you enjoy and also the basics during your period – ‘Eat, sleep, breathe repeat.
Warmest wishes and love
Julie x
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